Why Is Kindness Important For Aging Powerfully? She Did 1,000 Good Deeds and Changed Her Life

Linda Cohen did 1,000 good deeds in honor of her father and ended up changing her life. In this unbelievable story, I talk to the "Kindness Catalyst" about the transformative power of being kind. 

We talk about the science behind kindness and the link between being kind and aging powerfully. If you feel like your life is missing something, check out this interview. It might transform your life!

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Transcript

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Hi, friend. I've always wondered why people who age well swear by kindness. Turns out it's science. Up to 40% of our happiness comes from just this one thing. Listen today to find out what that is. Today I am chatting with Linda Cohen about why being kind might just be the ultimate tool for aging. Like a badass mother. Please continue to subscribe and to share the podcast. You're helping us reach new people every week all over the world. It's incredible. Together, we're helping others rethink what it means to be healthy and to live an amazing life right up until the end. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. You mean the world to me. Hi friend, are you looking to age healthfully, confidently and vibrantly? Then this podcast is for you. Smart, slightly salty, irreverent, and thought provoking. I'm Lauren Bernick and this is age. Like a badass mother. Linda Cohen is an expert on kindness, a sought after keynote speaker, and the author of two books, The Economy of Kindness How Kindness Transforms Your Bottom Line, and A Thousand Mitzvahs. How Small Acts of Kindness Can Heal, inspire, and Change Your Life. I want to talk to her today because after interviewing so many people about why they're aging well, one thing comes up over and over and that's being kind. So I want to learn more about kindness and its connection to aging well. So please welcome Linda Cohen. Laura, I'm so glad you reached out to me. I'm happy to be here. I'm really glad to talk to you. I, I was googling experts in kindness, and you came up and then, one thing that caught my eye was that you were a waitress in the Catskills, and we used to go to the Catskills when I was a kid. Yeah, I know, right. And that's. That was right after Dirty Dancing thing. You know, it was a timely time to be in the Catskills. I know, and I always like when I give talks, I always talk about my family. And I say we were, you know, like the just like the family from Dirty Dancing, except without all the hotness and ability to dance. So my dad was a good dancer. Actually, the only time I ever dance well is when he was the leader. So. Oh, that's so cute. So for for those who don't know. Well, we'll get to the mitzvahs in a minute, but I want to go back to maybe, like, some of the things that, you know, you did. Waitress. You were, a housekeeper at a hotel, right? And then you were also, you worked at, a facility for aged people. And so I want to know, like, what life skills you picked up from all of those things or what lessons? Oh, I think it's just, you know, meeting people where they're at. I'm. I'm with such an extrovert, though, Lauren. So I feel like my superpower is just curiosity and connecting with people. I want to know human beings. So, you know, if you sit next to me on an airplane, probably we're going to have a conversation. You know, when I was waitressing and I didn't just waitressed in the Catskills, I put myself through college kosher deli in Los Angeles, you know, a home base, a home kind of style cooking in Massachusetts my first year of college. So waitressing was always just this great place to meet people. And I feel like that's a skill, honestly, I think could be really beneficial for everybody to learn is service, you know, serving someone else in whatever capacity that is. In the senior living organization, I was an activities an assistant activities director, which was super fun in my 20s, you know, to be able to have a relationship with women and men in their 90s and their 80s and just the wisdom they bestowed on me absolutely impacted me. In fact, one of the women, Rose Brown. I had broken up with somebody in Los Angeles where I had gone to college, I had moved back to Boston, and I had met Aaron, a software engineer, a young other, another young fellow, and I didn't know if I was making the right decision. And Rose Brown actually gave me some counsel, and Aaron and I ended up getting married. We've been married. It'll be 33 years in February. So, you know. Yeah. What did Rose Brown say to me? I think she told me. And I have to say, like, I kind of went back and I was like, what would she have asked me? You know, what values does he have? What does he want to do with his life? And also to meet his family? And I do remember meeting his family in Detroit soon after. We, you know, we were dating maybe for a year, and he could not have fallen very far from the tree because he had such an amazing family. So that's what I took away from what she advised. Oh that's good. What a. Do you remember any of the other things that you learned? Did you learn just like from talking to them or observing? I will say two things. I mean, probably seniors. I still work with seniors. It's a lot of the work I'm doing currently is with, you know, leaders who lead organizations that take care of seniors, at different times in their lives. And I will say, a senior brings so much wisdom, so much lived experience, around life and loss and, you know, and the importance of things. And so I feel like that's what I got in my 20s in that first job experience. What was hard for me was that there was mortality. And I had residents that I befriended who died. And I just remember I was only in that job for a couple of years because at 23, I said, oh my gosh, I'm just I wasn't ready for mortality, you know? And I think now I'm in my 50s. And of course, I've had many of my own losses in my life. And it's like you begin to realize that life is going to have loss. It's just part of what happens with this little life we're given. So, yeah. And, you know, did you did you have any takeaways from, like, the, the way people aged like, you know, there's always like the curmudgeonly people who usually have a Gucci inside or, you know, like they're hard on the outside and soft on the inside or like, what were some of the things that you observed and learned just from seeing them? I don't actually remember someone who was curmudgeonly. I do know people like that have known people like that since that job experience. But I feel like, sometimes the and even in my kindness work, I feel like sometimes the curmudgeonly person has has, is really dealt with a lot in their life, and they haven't had a way to move through that. And that's what they're holding on to, is that those harnesses are sort of difficult for them. And if they're ever given the opportunity to be gushy or to share that, sometimes that loosens them up. So I say kill them with kindness if you can. If somebody who is, you know, mean or isn't acting in the kindest way, maybe that's something that just if you love on them, maybe you'll be able to break through that hard exterior for them. Yeah. Okay, so I know you weren't born a kindness expert, but you became one because I guess, so you were living with your dad, right? When you were a teenager. And so that's kind of odd in itself, right? Your parents got divorced, and then you lived with your dad. That's a little mom actually had many different challenges, which does play out later on in her life. And she was hospitalized. And so we went to live with my dad. And my brother was in fifth grade. I was in seventh grade, and it was only supposed to be for maybe the year. But there was kind of a battle, over who would have our guardianship. And my dad wanted to have us till we graduated high school. So we had we left suburban Massachusetts and moved to rural Vermont, where my dad had, you know, left the big city and in the 70s moved to the to the Vermont Rural area. And, it was very hard as a seventh grader to do that, to have my whole life uprooted. And, and my relationship with my dad was was difficult because of that. I think I didn't have the ability to process in seventh grade who I was upset with, but I took it out on my stepmother, and my dad was in the middle of that. And it was it was a challenging teenage years, I will say. Right. But, you know, as as it is, I mean, I could kind of say the same thing. Like, I really have a similar, very similar situation, actually, where I didn't live with my dad, but we had a difficult relationship, and a lot of it was with his wife. And I took it out on him and he took things out on me and we but now we have repaired our relationship, which is nice. I think when you are older and you soften and you can see them as a human and not just a parent, yeah, well, you're lucky if you take time to do that because that does not always happen. And actually, my story is that I didn't do that until I found out my dad was dying. You know, it was when he told me he was dying of lung cancer. And I was 38 and married and had my two kids already. I knew that our relationship was still stuck, like 16 year old and a parent, and I and I knew and we were living across the country from each other. I live out on the West Coast at that point, and he was still in Vermont, and I thought, If I'm going to make any amends, it has to happen right now. In the last eight months of his life, were those months to, you know, to to spend. I was back in Vermont three times in that period of time, one of which was a four day weekend where we just watched old movies and, you know, and laughed and cried and said, Will you forgive me? So I have always felt like that was a really important piece of the part to get to the other side of the healing. After he was gone. I mean, it's it's really smart that you did that. Did you actually did you say those words to him? Will you forgive me? My dad was a therapist, so. Yeah. Oh, he was easy to, you know, I think my dad always. He always loved me. It was like, you know, now, like you said, when you get older, you realize, what it would have been like to parent a child, you know, with with the skills you had at that time. I mean, my dad came over from Germany as a four year old. He was raised by two parents who were German in New York City, very, you know, like Jewish sort of Orthodox upbringing, which did not fit my father. And he always rebelled against that. And then in my teenage years, I kind of went back to that. So we have this whole like cycle of all the different things that, you know, were problematic, I think, for, for our relationship. So, yeah, he got mad at me when I, in my 16 years old, decided I wanted to keep kosher, you know, the kosher dietary laws. And that was like the worst thing I could ever ask for. You know, that was the worst thing I was doing as a rebellious teenager, so. Oh, my God, that's so okay. That's opposite. I was like a real rebellious teenager. And I think in my head I was like, oh my God, this is ridiculous. You like, I'm going back to my roots. But, you know, we all take our own journey. And I think if life teaches us anything, it's like, oh, well, that was problematic for him because of his own challenges with his mother, with the way he was observing his religion, you know? And so, yeah, lots of healing, lots of healing has happened both before he passed away and of course, in the 19 years since. So. Right, okay. And so which brings us to a thousand mitzvahs. And for those who don't know what amidst fear is, it's an act of kindness, right? Yeah. A good deed and commandments. The Ten Commandments are actually mitzvahs. Did you know that in the 630. Yeah. Well, you know what, I didn't. I heard you say that when I was researching you, but I, that I, I'm not a very observant, religious Jew, and so I don't know that, but, I mean, we're obviously that was thrown around at my house, you know, to do mitzvahs and things like that, but I didn't realize that there was. What did you do? Several. Many of which we can't do because they're related to agriculture or, or other things. But there are many of them we can do. There are positive mitzvahs and negative mitzvahs, and my category was really to look at loving kindness, anything that really promotes loving kindness as a way to do something in your day to day life. What, are there any are there any mitzvahs that are listed that stand out to you that you can that's so interesting. You know, I have a friend and I study with her now, weekly. We're actually like a Jewish study partner. And we actually wrote down mitzvahs that out of the 613, that really resonated for us. Returning something that's lost was a mitzvah. I remember writing on that list. Oh, that really good one. I mean, they're simple. That's so interesting. They're a little ones and they're a big ones, and each one is just as important. So don't you know, and, and and there were things like smiling, letting someone in in traffic, you know, and I was like, living a modern life, thinking, okay, well, does that count as a mitzvah? Oh, actually, one of my mitzvahs replacing a roll of toilet paper. It ended up being the silly one that I could talk about. And, you know, people would ask me about, but but that's not enlisted, as a mitzvah, letting someone in in traffic and, replacing a roll of toilet. So what are ones that were lists of acknowledging someone else and doing something for another person? And I'm sure if we just had a broader category, it would certainly fit into those categories, you know? So how did you get this idea? Okay, in my dad's honor, I'm going to do a thousand mitzvahs. Where did this come from? I really don't know. It was five weeks after my dad had passed away. My dad died December 1st, so it was like the middle of the winter. So dark, you know, really long nights. And I woke up in the middle of the night with just this idea. And I remember playing it out in my head. And I woke my husband, Aaron, up the next day, and I was like, I want to do something to honor my dad. And luckily he's like the computer guy, the science guy, and goes, well, how are you going to know you've done a thousand mitzvahs? And he said, let's start a blog for you. And this was January 2007. So blogs were kind of newish then. And yeah, let me start my blog and I just, I never set out to do anything bigger than just kind of grieve for my dad. And it was it transformed my life, this opportunity to write. I mean, writing is really therapeutic to go out every day, to look for ways I could do little acts of kindness. And there is. And you I know we're going to talk about a little bit the science of kindness. But I that actually was incredibly helpful in my healing, to be doing that, to be outwardly, actively looking for ways to do kindness. So I had stepped into something kind of without thinking about it. That would really change my life forever. And it has an amazing, amazing grace. So yeah, and it's interesting that you say that you were just trying to grieve, but in being kind to others, it really healed you. It so that that's kind of what I'm interested in is like, why is that? What why is it when we do something for somebody else, it feels so good to us? Yeah. All right. I'll tell you a little bit of science and I will tell for your listeners if you want to follow an amazing place where they do tons of research about this, the Greater Good Science Center is in Berkeley, at Berkeley, University of Berkeley, California. They have a whole department that studies so many of these. So pro-social, different things you can do. And so much of their research has been impactful for me. So a couple of things. First is, doing acts of kindness, sets off your serotonin and that oxytocin, those feel good hormones. That's why when you volunteer and I was a volunteer a lot when my kids were little at the school or their art camp, you know, you have, like, a high, a helper's high from volunteering. And I know when I talk to people about that, you know, if you're having a bad day and you go volunteer, chances are you will leave that situation feeling better because of that oxytocin, serotonin that gets released. So that's one thing. There's research by psychology professor at UC Riverside, doctor Sonia Mirsky, and she studied happiness like our own internal happiness. And her research showed that 40% of your happiness comes from your genetics. So I'm sorry, 50% is comes from your genetics. So you can't control that. And it is why sometimes you'll meet somebody who feels a little happier than the average person. Probably they have great genes. 10% comes from your living circumstances, or your work circumstances. I would add that too, but it left 40% of the pie. So what else impacts your internal happiness? And I often will say when I'm in an audience, you know, people have said, you know, oh, how much money I make or don't make or whether I'm married or not or whether I have children or not, but her research actually showed that your intentional actions impact your own happiness. So I didn't know that research when I stepped into that thousand mitzvahs project. But when I learned that research, what I realized was I had discovered that I had discovered that by going out and doing acts of kindness, I was impacting my own internal happiness. And I love sharing that research, because I think, especially now, we're living in a world where people feel really hopeless. I feel like more and more people feel overwhelmed and hopeless than ever in the last, you know, ten, 15 years that I've been speaking about kindness. So I want to invite you to think about that. I want people to realize you have a choice how you act or react, what actions you take in any situation, even the ones you don't feel like you have a lot of control over. I know that's really that's so we have a lot of control over what we can say, what we can do. And okay, so you're saying that in a situation where we feel helpless, hopeless, the best thing to do is to just do somebody, do something for somebody else. For someone else, or. I mean, let's say you have somebody. I mean, perfect example. I remember we were coming out of Covid and we started going back out, you know, we're at a restaurant. And I remember running into this waitress and we were, you know, we were on the road and she was bawling when she first came up to service. She was a little slow to come greet us. And she said, somebody just threw silverware at me, you know, and, and, and oh, my husband like a thing, but like, don't go back on the road after Covid if you cannot control yourself and you cannot be kind to the waitress who's clearly understaffed. Right, right. And so what, people forgot how to do. So I remember I just remember my husband, I going, oh sweetheart, we will not do anything like that. We are so happy to have you as our waitress. You know, what we could do in that moment was assure her that there was still kind people in the world. And, you know, daily there are possibilities of actions like that that you could take. I'm, I'm even thinking somebody does some somebody yells at you, you know, maybe you're at work and somebody else that you do, you immediately yell back, or do you pause and they go, wow, something's probably going on for that person. This isn't like them. What's going on? And you pause and you take a minute to like, be kind back to them, even though they weren't kind to you. So I think when you know this as a possibility, it's like you can pause and you can choose how you want to act or react. Yeah. You know, when you said, returning lost things to somebody, it made me think of I was on the trail, you know, walking one day, and I lost my keyfob. Well, it that's it. I wasn't going to be able to get in my car when I got back and, you know, and so I got back to my car and I was like, checking the car, and I'm looking around and somebody came up to me and they're like, are you looking for your keyfob? And they go, what are you looking for? And I said, my key. And she goes, is this it? And you get. And she realized it was the same kind of, you know, matched the car that I was looking at. And I was like, oh my gosh, I just almost started sobbing. And she said, we knew we knew that somebody was going to be looking for this. And so she's like, we've been hanging out for like 30 minutes. I was like, I, I mean, that was like the kindest thing somebody could have done. And then recently I was at Whole Foods and I was trying to park my car, and I don't know why, like I was trying to get in this tight space or other space, but I nick this guy's car and I was like, oh God. And he was sitting in the car and I got out and I was like, I just can't even believe I, I don't know what I was thinking, trying to get in this spot. And he got out and he was like, this old farmer dude in this old truck. And he goes, you know what? Just don't worry about it. He's like, it's a little Nick and I have an old truck, and I'm not going to make you go through hoops to whatever. And I just, I started crying, like, I literally just started crying because in my mind I was like, oh, now I got to deal with the insurance and I got to do this now. And the relief I felt from that and I said, you know what? I want to tell you something. I'm going to pay this forward today in in several ways and I, I did I found ways, you know, the lady had all her kids out on the street with a sign and, you know, needed rent. I mean, that was the easiest one, obviously the easiest one to pay forward. But yeah, I did a couple other things that day, and it made me feel so good and so connected to that man, to the people I did a little kindness for, you know, really does boost. So you're reminding me there there's a gentleman named Steve Hartman, and I don't usually tell people to watch TV, the news especially. But Steve Hartman is a journalist who is on CBS and every he's on the road with Steve Hartman. Listeners of his stories are amazing. People always send them to me. Is that the one with his little during the pandemic with these kids at home, he does kindness 101 series. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a few years ago he did, a special on kindness. It was like an hour long special, and he had a, an MIT professor. Talk about the ripple effect. That's kind of what you're sharing right there, which is when somebody does a kindness for you and you feel that relief, you're just like, I want to go do kindness for other people. And she showed that if everybody who gets one act of kindness did one more act of kindness, like just the amount of kindness that would spread through the universe, and it was amazing because it was all just, you know, mathematics. But of course, if you are and I. And by the way, I'll tell you, I'm not the only one in this space like when I started speaking about kindness in 2000 and, you know, 11 or whatever, it's been quite a long time. I felt like a lone wolf. People would often say like, oh, that's so sweet. I'm you're so, you know, we really need that message now. There are men and women around the globe also wanting a different paradigm in the world. And so people are speaking about it. People are teaching about it, people are writing about it. It's been so amazing to me to be connected with so many other people who they want this, you know, we're not living in a world that we all want, and what can we do to make it better? And, so that's been kind of exciting, actually, to be collaborating. I'm actually part of I'll just make a little pitch for the human Summit, World Kindness Day, November 13th. We're having a virtual program which people can join a five hour virtual program talking about kindness that you can do personally, that you can do, in your workplaces, in your communities. And I'm going to be the closing keynote speaker for that. I'm really excited. So, yeah, maybe I'll send you the link. You can include that if any of your listeners want to. And it's only $50. I mean, we've kept it price so reasonably as a virtual event that hopefully everybody who would want to can join is this more like, for work? It's it's both for it's personal and professional. We expect that there will be people whose workplaces have maybe embraced the idea of kindness in the workplace, but also if people personally just don't like what's happening in the world and want to do something, that's what they can do. Yeah. I mean, I do feel like our world is, you know, it's funny. It's like a kind of a paradox because the world seems very divided. But that's on purpose. And when you are, you know, out now with the real world, with real people. It's not like that. Like I said, this farmer guy, I mean, he probably could not be any more different than than me. He's exactly. I feel like the media has done us no services in the last couple of years. They have made us more divided. And you're right, it's purposeful and I don't like that. I actually was I was sitting with someone yesterday, and we were talking about the fact that if we could demand if we could demand that the media stop leading with the negativity. I mean, because unfortunately, most of the, you know, 17 I, I heard a number 117 bad news stories every half an hour for the one good news story, they'll show us. And we know that that's not what's happening in the world. We know that, you know, because if you do dig into this, you'll find that there is a lot of good, there's a lot of good happening everywhere. It's just not what gets amplified always when. Right when you see, you know, an emergency or you see a flood, and then people are coming with their own personal little boats to rescue people. It's always for the helpers. They don't ask Mister Rogers. Yes, right. Look for the helpers. Right. You know, nobody asks like, what's your politics when they're about to rescue you? They're just. I mean, it's just we're we're not as we're not divided. It's just, you know, a made up thing to divide us. So. Right. And so I think that that's something that we really, really have to keep front of mind right now and that, well, that's went back to each of us has a choice to choose how we would like to act or react when we see something. We can fan the flames of the negativity, or we can say, I'm not going to go there. I'm not going to share that. I'm going to share something good. You know, I'm going to share what's happening in my world. It's actually one of the things I talk about with organizations, share the good stories that I know are happening in your organizations, put those out into the newspaper, put those on to the local television show. Let those be the things that the coverage gets picked up, you know? Yeah, I'm. Yes, that's very good advice. So as this relates to aging, what do you think it is about kindness that helps us age? Well, I just have I think you have a different mindset if you have decided, you know, I was 38 when I took on that mitzvah project, but I feel younger than I think my age is, because for 20 years I have been spending time thinking about kindness. You know, it's hard to be. I don't know if I can swear on your podcast, but it's hard to be. Yes, absolutely. When you're called the Kindness Catalyst. So, you know, roll it back in window. You know, the day I go to the dentist and they're late or something happens and I'm like, angry. And then I have to take a breath and be like, oh, no, I can't do that, you know? And so it it helps you, think back about how you can be kinder. And it's not to say that I haven't had difficult people in my life or difficult situations. It's really, I think kindness has to start with yourself. So your own self-talk, what you're listening to, what you're watching, you know, how you are walking through the world. All of those things, I think, play into choosing, to be kinder in this world as it is right now. So so you think it's more of like, it's like a mental thing. You just have a different mindset. If you're if you're focusing on you worry and you're you're bucking the norm a little bit, you are. But these days, I would say there's more and more people who are trying to buck that norm, whatever that norm is that's being told to us, you know, I think so. I think you're right. And, you know, I think that you do, you you do. But we just talked about this before. We're the same age and we're both, 57 or you're going to be 57 any day. Yeah. But you do have like, a little glow about you, you know, and you come across as a younger type person just because of that, because of that. And so what are what do you have? Like, do you catch yourself saying negative things to yourself and then correct you or oh my god, correct. Or something like what's what's laughing? Yes. Let me give you this one. As long as I can be a little bit authentic and sort of you okay. Yes. You could be all authentic. That's what this is about. Okay. Well, whenever this will air, it'll probably be within. Okay, fine. So. So hopefully I'll try and get it out before you're, Okay. Perfect. Recently, I, I was speaking to a health care organization. They had actually hired me to speak for a 3.5 hour morning session and a 2.5 hour afternoon session, and when I looked at my data, that was longer than I have ever presented. I do a lot of wait, they wanted you to present for 3.5 hours and then two. So that's a lot for me. My my keynotes are often 90 minutes. You know, I've done 2.5 hours and I don't have anything that afternoon. So I was kind of stressed about this. I will be honest. And I and I it's in my wheelhouse of senior living. I speak a lot in senior living, but I was definitely in the weeks leading up to it. I reached out to speakers who I know speak longer, trainers, whatever, what, what advice they had for me, and they gave me great advice. Some were like, you know, in the middle of your time, go upstairs, take a shower, change your clothes, change your shoes, have your lunch, take a nap, you have time for a 15 minute reset and then walk down to your afternoon session. You'll feel much better. And it was fabulous advice. But here's what happened the night before. So the night before, I'm at the hotel at the, at the conference center and in the middle of the night, as I'm bitching about this, 5 hours or 6 hours of I'm going to be on stage. This is what my inner voice said. Linda, shut the f up. Stop complaining about the work you love doing, the people you are going to get to touch. They think about the firefighters you've talked to, the nurses you know, who do 12 hour shifts, the, you know, the senior living professionals that you're going to be talking to, whose days are filled with so much work, stop complaining. And that was literally what my and I was like, you're right. So, Linda, you're right. I couldn't do it. I was like, okay, okay, inner voice, you know? So so that's I guess part of what it is, is do you catch yourself in, do you say, stop it? You know, this is what I love doing. I feel so called to do this work that I need to stop bitching about it. So, yeah, that was kind of the inner talk. I think that that's, you know, we all do that. Right? And I think that part of I think I have that DNA that when you were talking about like, happiness or kindness, a lot of it, you know, a lot of happiness or a lot of kindness is in your DNA. I think that I have, kind of happy DNA, you know, it's just part of me. But I'm also a real person. And I also like, you know, start saying crappy things to myself. But I do catch myself. I do catch myself. And that's the thing. Like, I don't let myself talk to myself. Yeah, the in that crappy way, I don't. I'm always like, stop that now. I'll say something nice, you know, like what you used to do with your kids when they were little. Don't talk to each other that way. Now say something nice to your brother. Well, and it's always like, think of how you would talk to a friend in that situation. If you can take yourself out of the equation, you can say, if a friend was coming to me with what I'm struggling with, how would I talk to them? You know, and that's how you can revisit what the inner dialog is. I mean, of course we're all going to have inner dialog that isn't as kind, but when we get aware of it and at least catch it, we can we can improve it I think. Yeah I agree. So I want to go back to the mitzvahs. I want to talk more. Will you give me some examples of mitzvahs that you did. I wish I had thought to grab my book. It's down on my bookshelf, mitzvahs that I did, you know, or just ideas volunteered in a lot of different ways in those years. I would, you know, find little ways that I could do what's in my wheelhouse. And I always will encourage people, if you want to add kindness to your world, do what comes naturally to you. If you're a singer, write a song for someone. If you're a poet, write a poem for some of you. Bake. Bake for people like do whatever it is that gives you joy and spread that and share that with other people. Definitely do what's it's called. I'm trying to think of, you know, smiling. I remember I wrote a lot about these little simple things, you know, putting change in a coin canister. And I remember one time, like, does that matter? Like how much change my, my $0.25. And I actually looked it up and for it was like for a meals on wheels kind of program, our quarters added up to, you know, $20,000. I think it was a day of of serving their senior population by those little quarters that people were donating. So, you know, don't underestimate the quarter. What else? Calling someone when you think about them. I'm really intentional. When I think about someone, I assume that's a hit from sort of the universe for me to check in with someone and I'll try to like, but check in with them then if I find out at somebody's birthday. I love making a little video or sending a quick text, you know, just making sure they know. I'm thinking about them. And I've been the recipient of pretty much all these same things, you know. Oh, sending sending a note. You know, I have had so many stories in my audiences. And heard just amazing things. You know, a teacher who gets a note 20 years later from their fifth grade student saying, you know, my parents were getting divorced when I was in fifth grade, and you were the only steady adult in my life and thanking them 20 years later, you know, so there's no time limit on going back and letting a coach or a mentor or somebody know how they impacted you. And I think now, actually those would be received even more than ever before. Because you don't know where that's catching that person in this time of their life. I love that one. Yeah, I, I actually did that. I, I reached out, I wasn't able to find this teacher online, but I found her son and I've. I haven't heard back from him, but I have sent him several notes because my mother, there was a math teacher who lived in our street and nobody in my family can do math. And my mother would send me down to this poor lady's house. I can't tell you how many nights a week for me to get help with my homework. This poor woman, you know, I mean, she's in the middle of. She's a baby and she's making dinner, and I'm there with my homework. And she never turned me away. Never. And I so I was like, you know, as a kid, you don't know if your parents sends you down the street, you just go. And I'm like this poor lady. And so I really wanted her son. Who was that baby? You know, I wrote him and hopefully he would. He got that to her if she's still alive, even. But yeah, I think that I like, that there's no time limit. I'll add some other ones because, you know, now I do a lot of work with organizations. So I created a Kindness Bingo card, which was sort of a fun way to bring kindness to the workplace, especially senior living. Bingo was sort of a big thing in senior living. But on the different squares, it was like, you know, smile at a coworker you struggle with, invite someone to sit with you at lunch who you don't know you know. Let someone know how they impacted you in your workplace. So trying to create different ways that we could elevate kindness in the workplace, and get the kind of behavior we would like to, you know, exemplify. So, so I try to gamify all my work on kindness when I'm in a workplace because, you know, I think everybody knows what kindness is. But if we can really dive deeper into what what does this look like in real lived life in a work setting? That's something that I've tried to do a lot in the last five years. So what, what's your best piece of advice, then? It doesn't have to be about aging, but any just. Do you have a best piece of advice? Advice? Well, I'm still a napper that Lauren. So I would say, Oh, yeah. A little break if you can, in the middle of the day, even if you are working in an office building, lay under your desk if you have to.

I think the 3:00 lull, 2: 36:35

00 lull is pretty real, especially, you know, I wake up early, I go to bed kind of early, and I wake up pretty early.

So by 3: 36:43

00, I'm pretty much. I need something to refresh me. So how long do you like 15 minutes? 15. 20 minutes? That's really. You just set your time? Actually, I fall asleep because I've been doing this so long, I have, like, a little guided meditation. I often will do. And I've done that so many times that even without hearing it, it's in my head. And I put a pillow under my knees and I lay down and my body just knows, oh, this is time. This is her nap. You know, like, this is kindergarten stuff. This is nap time. Get your mat, Linda. But do you you set a timer to wake up, though? I mean, I never know. You only sleep for 15 minutes. He just wakes up. I mean, I because I'm kind of told that this is what we're doing right now. If you think you aren't going to wake up, of course. Set a timer. You know, I think sleep. I think I'll do that, too. That sleep in general. And as you hit a certain age for women, it gets so much harder. You know, with menopause, things change in our bodies. But sleep, I think, is, is something really important to protect. And whatever we can do to I think that would be the advice I would give is, you know, try to protect your sleep at all costs and see if you can find ways to, to to be really regular about that, if at all possible. I moved a dog out of my bed. I had dogs that were in our bed and it was like, no way. You know, a few years ago, this crazy and people like, you're never gonna get your dog out of your bed that they were raised with. Nope. That dog was out of the bed and it's been out of the bed for a couple of years. So yes, I know I have a big dog. She sleeps on the floor next to us, but yeah, he can't have that in the. I mean, some people sleep fine with their dog, but I feel like that wakes you up a lot. Yeah, I like the idea of a nap, and I do that too. Sometimes I'll be like, I just have to close my eyes for 15 minutes. You don't want to do it too long now. Yeah, I think that's refreshing and good. I would say the other big piece of advice is monitor your media diet. I talk about gulping media, which is where I think we are. If you are 24 seven or it's on your watch or it's on your computer, you know you are getting way more media than you probably should mental health wise. So instead of gulping it, sip it. And so in the last 510 years, we have absolutely shifted how we receive media. And I promise you, I don't miss anything. I still hear about it. You know, if you're on any kind of social media or any kind of newsletters, you still will hear the big, important things that impact your community and your world. But I think you can take less of it in. So, and it doesn't serve us. I don't think we're wired for the amount of 24 over seven. We are we are wired into these days. I think it's really hurting people in a big way. I think that's very, very smart. You know, I know you're you touched on that your mom had some mental health issues and that your dad died of lung cancer. But is there any takeaways you have from watching your parents? Yeah, I know that was one of your questions. And I was thinking about it. My dad died at 70. My mom, she actually, committed. She ended her own life at 75. She had mental health challenges. She was hospitalized several times in my life. And it finally, you know, it was what took her. So what I have witnessed, I have in-laws who are 92 and 88 now, and what I have, you know, both situations of aging, they're different. You know, I lost both my parents kind of young. So I haven't had the aging process with them at all. Or even knowing what my genes would have been had they not had those two ways that they passed away. My dad was a smoker, like a huge smoker. So of course lung cancer is not shocking, but that's what he died of. My in-laws, you know, they're living to be much older. So we're having all the conversations now about how are they going to move to the end of their life in a way that feels, dignity. And they still have to make they can make choices. So I think the thing I'm taking away is, you know, I think in my 70s, maybe mid 70s, if I'm still alive, I need to make the decisions about what I want with the last chapter of my life, because I don't want to put that weight on my children. I don't think that feels fair. And I'm sure at 70 it's going to feel really young to be making those decisions. But I think that's that's the smart way to handle your own life. Otherwise somebody else is going to make those decisions for you, you know, and I think it's we we probably are actually at that age where we should do that. You never know what's going to happen. I just had like, I haven't done it, but I had, an expert on about parenting, aging parents recently. And, you know, I was thinking the same thing. You are like, oh, yeah, when I'm in my 70s, he says, now 57. How are we supposed to be doing it now? I mean, it's not 57, but she just said, you know, sooner rather than later. But I mean, that's one of those things that you probably put off. But I think, well, I think that's what, we're all of you have to talk about dying. It's the craziest thing. Hello. There is no other alternative. We know it's happening. No other doctor. Yes. So why are we afraid of it? Why are we so afraid of it? Because it feels so, you know, so difficult to think about. I don't know, and I feel like I am. I mean, I'm not I'm not really afraid of it either. I actually read the obituaries. I love reading people's obituaries. I think they're really beautiful. And when I started speaking initially, funeral directors started asking me to speak. And I remember my first Funeral Directors Association conference. It was so cool. They were like hearse hearses and, you know, vases. And I was walking around the trade show like it was kind of it was kind of cool, you know? I was like, okay, would you talk about kindness in the workplace, actually. But I mean, what is a legacy? They were having one of the organizations having some generational challenges because they have new funeral directors, younger, who are coming in. And then there were funeral directors who are kind of old school, and a lot has changed in the funeral industry. I mean, cremation now, where it was a very little piece of their industry, has become a huge piece of the industry now. And so that, you know, that has been challenging also, technology, when we got into Covid and, you know, there were streaming of services, that was like a whole new thing. And you know, plus people can choose so many different ways to do a funeral. Now, it isn't like you have to go to the funeral home. So it's been you know, the industry has been evolving. And so kindness, kindness around it's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So. Do you have a favorite health or beauty products? Me that. Okay. So my hair is straightened today, which is crazy only because it was, you know, a no hair wash day, but my hair looks like yours curly. And I don't know if I'm saying the name of this product. Right. Oh, you I ordered. I think it's we. Dad and a friend of mine recommended the product line a few years ago, and it has changed my life in terms of curly hair days. So, they have great. Okay. Spell. Oh, spell that again. My dad and they have a shampoo. They have a condition, okay? They have all sorts of products you put in after you wash your hair. And it has changed how my curls look. So I don't know what you're doing. So it's for curly haired women? Yeah. Yeah, maybe men do. Yeah, I love it. I've become a huge fan of their product line, so. Yeah. Okay. And then, what is your favorite concert idea? Okay, so this is so cool. I grew up in Vermont. I was a high schooler in Vermont. Guess what? We don't get concerts where I lived. My very first concert was James Taylor when I was married. After I got married at 25 with my husband, Tanglewood, Massachusetts, and I was like, yep, that was my first concert. Oh, so I know I mesh. I've seen him. He's a great performer, but I missed a whole chunk. I love music and I married somebody who's really into music and lived in Michigan. Got to see all sorts of great live, you know, musical groups, but I didn't. So, now I would say I love, blues. We have a blues festival every year in Portland on the 4th of July, and we go pretty much every year. And I would say that's been one of my favorite cons of getting introduced to blues and, and rock kind of musicians. So. But yeah, I don't have the traditional I wish I did. I was like, there's so many musicians, I wish Peter, but you can still go to concerts now. You do have to be a teenager. You're right. I actually have started roller skating. Lauren. I've started doing a lot of things that I do, you know, that I either did as a kid that brought me joy or things. Maybe I felt like I missed out on. So, yeah. So are you roller blading or is this four wheels or your two wheels at a roller skating rink? There's a skating rink in Portland that's just the one floor. Just like when I was 12 back in Vermont. And I've done it like five times. And then it got to be summer. And so I haven't been doing it much since, since the summer months. But it's really fun and it's like riding a bike you do not forget. Yeah. It brings me so much joy. And I brought a friend who's gone a couple times. Yeah. So. Oh, that's good. I like that, Linda. All right, well, thank you for sharing all your good advice about kindness. So everybody go out and do something kind and get the ripple effect going. Age well. Yeah. Huge. Well all right. Thanks, Linda. Take care. Thanks for listening, friend. From my heart to yours. Be well. Until we meet again.